Day 8. #30daybloggingchallenge

Write about something you struggle with.

I confess: I am afraid I am not good enough.

We’re getting personal today, it seems. I feel like writing always leaves me naked, vulnerable. It’s something about undressing one’s soul. When you read someone, if you can read between the lines, a blog post, a book, poetry – all of them break the walls of the writer.

Indeed, I think many people struggle with this issue, not only artists (though there is no doubt they do!). I am not afraid of failure, as I think we should see it as a lesson. You know, a kick in the ass we need, so we move forward.

In regards to my work, I think my “inner critic” is to be blamed. I feel like no matter how much I work, even if I progress, I am not good enough – and then there comes the sensation that I will never be. I am not satisfied with my writing, the final result. I exhaust myself and give 110% to improve. I put my heart, my mind, my everything I am still afraid it’s not enough. As if I could’ve done more. I look up to different writers, and I don’t compare myself to them because styles are different and unique, but I feel like I can’t transmit so much emotion, that I don’t have what it takes. I am afraid that people read my work and don’t feel anything. Being indifferent would hurt me more than if people would dislike what I am writing.

I think I’ve read it somewhere; I can’t remember where.

Writing is supposed to inflict emotion.

Don’t even get me started when I get a writer’s block and I start wondering “That was it? Am I done? Will I ever be able to write again? Why can’t I write? Argh! I am so frustrated. Why is this happening?”

I don’t think we ever get used to this. Frustration and anxiety overcome us. I don’t always think like this, but this is an issue I know I will struggle with for a long time.

In regards to my personal life… it’s not like I feel I should be a certain way for someone; however, there are times when I feel like I am not good enough. Not the best version of myself, not the best for someone I care about, not how I should be for the ones I care about. It might be only in my head or not… Who knows? We have to make through each day despite the demons in our head. Maybe it happens because we look up to someone? Or appreciate them (and thus trying to be better)? I don’t say that the wish to be better is bad, but the insecurity of “not being (good) enough” can ruin lives.

It’s in our mind most of the time, and the right persons know how to wipe away these worries. Just as we do for them. That’s why we have to keep it in check at a mental level.

Does it ever go away? Well, in all honesty, I wouldn’t know – I haven’t lived my life yet. Will I ever be able to answer it? Maybe not. Do I have to? We focus too much on explaining everything. Some things can be only felt. Reasoning works only to some extent.

Inhale. Exhale. Just breathe.

We forget that the roots are in the brain, and I don’t say we can control our insecurities or manoeuvre the issues as we desire, but we can keep them in check, and we can stop them from overcoming and overwhelming us.

Don’t forget that we all have our problems. If you encounter this one… Hey! Lift your eyes from the ground and look confidently ahead – you are not alone. You might feel like it right now, but you are not. And you’ve got this. We’ve got this.

If you feel like sharing what you struggle with, I would love to read about it.

Rebecca Radd Signature

2 thoughts on “Day 8. #30daybloggingchallenge

  1. In some ways blogging may increase insecurity: because we have our stats always visible, every day, where writers in the past had no means to endlessly monitor their popularity and worry about “likes”.

    Thank you: I enjoyed your post.

    Liked by 1 person

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